by Katie Starling
I arise alongside the sun from yet another night of restless sleep.
No dreams, No nightmares,
Just exerting all my energy into keeping my eyes closed for eight hours.
Goldish, almost pink lights come peaking around my blinds,
The repetitive ringing of my phone exasperates me to wake up,
Chills take over my skin from the cold fall air that the crack in my window let fumigate my room overnight.
All of my senses are overloaded.
I gather all the nerves in my body to move while my brain tries to resist any motion I make.
I fold over my comforter, which was my only source of heat,
And slide off my bed like a child at the park.
I make my way to the bathroom
Taking every single one of my steps slow and delicate
As I mentally prepare myself for the feeling of the cold tile beneath my feet
That’ll send a cold shock up my spine with every step.
I reach out for the handle of the shower, just like that one scene from Psycho.
I feel every single one of my fingerprints freeze onto the cold silver metal
As I turn on the screeching hot water, the steam comes wafting into the air.
I stand watching it collide with the crisp cold air,
Preparing myself for a cyclone to come rummaging through and tear up my already messy room.
I take a step into the shower and embrace the warmth of the water as it hits my skin,
Like a hug from an old friend, the warmth feels familiar.
I slouch down the wall of my standing shower, plug my ears, and listen to the water as it hits my scalp,
It bounces off my head, creating a deep harmony like the echoes of rain hitting the roof of a hollow building.
I continue to sit there, manifesting the day I’m about to have.
Lacking motivation for just about anything,
I gather the strength I had buried deep in me to get up and look at my reflection in the steamy mirror
Not even able to wipe away the vaporized water,
I walk back into my room to close the curtains where the light was peeking through to create a darker atmosphere,
I boost myself into my Princess and the Pea bed and pull my comforter back over me before that cold air comes stalking towards me,
In the warmth and comfort, I hadn’t had all night, I decided to give up on the day ahead of me and fall back into my restless sleep.
***
Hello! My name is Katie, and I am so honored to share my writing with you. This piece has been something I've created in the back of my mind for the last 4 years, with small pieces and lines, inspired by many real mornings, coming together to create The Weight of Waking Up. I’ve always enjoyed writing, and it has helped me through my mental and physical health battles and helped me come through the other side time and time again. Thank you!
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