Many of us are familiar with the innate fight-flight response systems ingrained within us to confront or evade threatening situations. This primal mechanism, designed for swift action during peril, serves to safeguard us from harm. In facing trauma, we instinctively engage in a response - commonly fight or flight - driven by the imperative need for self-preservation and survival. Though, we are not always in a position to escape or confront whatever or whoever may be potentially harming us at the time. As a result, our brains evolved beyond these primal responses to encompass two additional, albeit lesser-known, coping mechanisms: freeze and fawn. Regardless of the varying responses, the end goal remains unchanged: preservation of the self.
These responses, intrinsic and essential, shield us not only from physical threats but also from psychological harm. There exists no definitive right or wrong way to react to trauma; rather, our minds instinctively, and subconsciously, select the response deemed most appropriate in the moment. That is, our adrenaline takes over and selects a reaction to a potential threat just as impulsively as moving our hand away from a hot stove. And although our trauma responses are designed to help us in cases of harm, it is important to note that prolonged exposure to trauma can heighten the frequency of these responses, leading to debilitating effects. This is what is termed complex trauma where one can feel like the trauma never truly went away. This condition can manifest as recurrent and excessive engagement in one or more trauma responses even in non-threatening situations. An example of this would be when someone is frequently defensive (fight), or if someone is unable to make decisions (freeze). Seeking help is crucial in unlearning these maladaptive behaviours and fostering healthier coping mechanisms.
Below I break down each of these trauma responses, where I provide examples of how they may appear in situations that are not extreme. That is, in this article, I discuss the unhealthy side of trauma responses that one may experience when dealing with complex trauma, or unhealed trauma.
Fight
The most obvious of all trauma responses is the “fight” response, characterized by confrontational behaviour aimed at warding off perceived threats. The brain will send signals throughout one’s body to prepare themselves for the physical demands of fighting when one believes one can overpower the threat. But the fight response can also manifest as verbal aggression, explosive outbursts, or intimidation tactics. This response often stems from feelings of insecurity or powerlessness, and where a person may ‘fight’ to regain their power or authority. The fight response is also very common with men, mostly because being aggressive and confrontational is socially acceptable, and encouraged for men.
‘Fight’ is not only an outward behaviour; one can also ‘fight’ with their inner self, especially if a thought or idea appears to threaten one’s well-being, and one can even ‘fight’, or argue with someone in their head. Both these examples are often experienced when one is not able to fight back in person. And ‘fight’ can appear in behaviours such as glaring at another person, tight jaw or grinding of the teeth, having a desire to stomp or kick, and having knots or burning sensations in one’s stomach.
Flight
Another response mechanism that is easy to identify is the “flight” response, where one runs away from danger to find safety. In an extreme case, if one saw a lion running away could be the best possible solution to protect themselves.
But running away is often less dramatic, and not always literal in modern-day life and looks more like someone who is constantly trying to distract themselves by keeping busy. The flight response presents itself in feelings of anxiety, micromanaging others, or constantly rushing and are always on the move. Psychologically speaking, one is fleeing from the emotional thoughts, the memories, and the painful feelings of the trauma. Or running away may not be a realistic option, such as fleeing from a job. Substance abuse is another example of trying to avoid the problem. One does not want to face the situation and is doing what they deem necessary to protect themselves from harm or to deny the hurt they already feel.
Freeze
Less commonly known than the other two, is the “freeze” response, but is one of the most common responses in women. The freeze response is when one simply does not react, both physically and mentally, to a traumatic event or situation that causes discomfort. The body and mind will ‘freeze’ in an attempt to shut off and shut down to keep one safe, and the brain will exhort all energy in keeping one alive rather than use this “non-essential” energy on thinking or speaking.
It is a very common response found in sexual assault, or domestic abuse victims (which is one reason why it is so common with women, as they are disproportionality affected by domestic abuse and sexual assault) because in extreme trauma, to ‘freeze’ is deemed as the safest response to protect oneself. People also freeze when they have experienced trauma in the past, or have repeatedly had their boundaries, or needs dismissed. And to ‘freeze’ is very common when there is an unbalance of power dynamics.
In less extreme cases, people will ‘freeze’ when they are too upset or angry and find themselves unable to speak, unable to move, or unable to react. This is the brain’s way of saying that one is “unsafe”, or at least it feels unsafe in the moment. The ‘freeze’ response can also show up in behaviours such as endless scrolling on social media or the internet, procrastination, giving up easily, and experiencing feelings of confusion over what is real or actually happening around them.
Fawn
The least known of all the trauma responses, but arguably the most common response is “fawning”. This is when one just follows the wishes and demands of another without communicating how one truly feels or what one truly desires. ‘Fawning’ is unintentionally taught in society as something that is polite behaviour. An easy example of this is when a child does not want to hug their aunt but is told they must because it is polite, or good manners. So, the child obeys and learns to adopt ‘fawning’ as a response mechanism to things they don’t want to do.
In more extreme cases, people develop or learn this trauma response as a way of coping with the stress in their lives. People often learn to ‘fawn’ when they grow up in environments where they are not heard, their needs/desires are not respected, or when there is a lot of conflict/tension in the household. In abusive households, the victim’s natural responses to ‘fight’ or ‘flight’ may be repressed and punished which then forces the victim to adopt a ‘fawn’ (or ‘freeze’) response to best protect themselves. One does this in an attempt to ease the conflict and to deny oneself what one wants/needs in an attempt to make one feel better or to cope better.
Unlike the other responses which are usually “at the moment” reactions to the traumatic event, ‘fawning’ can be more prolonged as one is dealing with the aftermath of the trauma. That is, one can make up excuses or reasons as to why the traumatic event occurred, or just accept it as part of life, or they are in denial or unaware of the trauma they experienced. They do this as a coping method for the hurt or pain they still endure. People who do ‘fawn’, often struggle to express themselves, and their needs and set boundaries.
As Pete Walker (who coined the term “fawn”) so perfectly stated:
“[fawning]…seek safety by merging with the wishes, needs, and demands of others. They act as if they unconsciously believe that the price of admission to any relationship is the forfeiture of all their needs, rights, preferences and boundaries.”
There is no shame and no right or wrong response when dealing with trauma. It is a natural response mechanism designed to survive a threat, or any kind of physical and psychological harm. Every single one of us has these response mechanisms, and there is a plethora of reasons why we, or our brains, choose one response over the other. These responses can be conscious, where we actively choose how we are going to react to a threat, but in most cases, our brains (or adrenaline) take over and our bodies/minds select the best reaction to protect ourselves. Trauma responses only become unhealthy when one overreacts in situations that are not deemed traumatic or when one may be triggered by past trauma.
For those who have experienced complex trauma, where these response mechanisms have become ingrained or have become too debilitating, you are not alone. I too struggle with ‘fawning’. By learning more about how the mind and body react in various situations, and using these trauma responses as a guide, one can learn where their reactions stem from and can heal from the pain that may be affecting their lives in present times. By unlearning negative or unhealthy behaviours we can find healthier coping mechanisms as well as develop healthy boundaries with others.
To leave you with a few empowering thoughts in the meantime, I want you to know that you are loved, you matter, you are worthy and deserving of feeling safe and secure, your voice matters, you are heard, and you are strong enough to heal and overcome the obstacles you may face.
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