Ideation

by Bella Aase

in our bedroom, June, you lie still between

crosswords of lamplight and evening shadows

while I imagine a sharp knife in my hand

drawn across, down, or diagonal on my bare arm

one, you say you’re anxious, suddenly, for no reason

Image credit: Xin on Unsplash

two, i’m with you, been anxious for days

i sit on the floor at your side and you smile at me 

i search your eyes for an answer key

i reach for your bare arm, warm in my hand

it’s gonna be okay, you tell me, a statement

it’s gonna be okay, i repeat back, assured

are we lying to each other

or what if we’re wrong

is this one of those times

where deception is a loving act

can we cheat each other into another day

lie until we are kind to ourselves

until this young summer flies into

the moon instead of a bulb

says she wants to live

and means it

***

Bella Aase

Bella Aase (she/they) is a recovering perfectionist with Bipolar II disorder. She is a graduate student in the MFA creative writing program at Hamline University and has a Substack called Wax and Sonder. Their work has appeared in Serotonin and This Was 2020. Bella lives in Minneapolis, Minnesota with her husband, John, who is also a writer.