by Anna Jackson
Sometimes, I wonder
What life might have been like,
If I’d been the ‘better’ version of me,
That I’ve built up in my head.
I wonder
If I might have been
More popular, more loved,
If the words that framed my youth
Might just have been a little kinder.
I wonder
If I would have loved myself more,
If I'd have been able to smile
At that woman I see in the mirror,
Or if I was always going to be broken.
Now I know that I can wonder,
I can dream, I can idealise,
But reality is an unforgiving bitch
And she doesn’t care how I feel.
But I’m scared sometimes,
That If I ever stop wondering
What I could have been,
Then I’ll be forced
To acknowledge that woman,
Waiting in the mirror.
***
My name is Anna, I am a university student currently in my third year of a Creative Writing Degree at York St John University. I'm a huge fan of feminist poetry (My favourite poet is Carol Ann Duffy), horror films and video games, all of which tend to influence my creative work.
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