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Writer's pictureMakenzie Beckstead

I thought about dying

by Makenzie Beckstead



this morning. i forgot to take

my medication, and so i condemned myself

to a mountain of dirty clothes.

 

my fiancée opened the laundry room door

Image of a person with black trousers and white shirt disappearing in the white background.
Image credit: Ian Smith on Unsplash

 

— wearing a white button-up shirt,

looking like my own, personal psych ward

orderly, or a scientist of anthropoid germs

 

— and held her hand out to me, calm,

despite the fact that i was becoming one

with the hampers.


you / don’t / understand

i’m  / unclean

and / i / belong / with / other

unclean / things

 

where did i disappear

to? one second i was human,

and then i was the agar plate in a petri dish,

exponentiating away from logic. bacteria

causing existential panic.


  is it time to up my dose?


***

Black and white photo of the author, Makenzie Beckstead.
Makenzie Beckstead


Makenzie Beckstead is a Utah-based author with a B.A. degree in English, Creative Writing emphasis, from Utah Valley University. She strives to write as many queer books as possible, her first being the poetry chapbook Religious Trauma in the Key of Poetry from Bottlecap Press. She enjoys discussing literature and what to eat for dinner with her partner, Paige. Makenzie can be found on Instagram: @kenz_beckstead.

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