by Carolyn Chilton Casas
How to balance living my own life
and helping to care for another.
What portion of my years
do I willingly hand over?
How to enjoy what’s left
without feeling neglectful,
absolve the guilt
of being in mellow health
while she suffers?
It’s likely she’ll die
before I do.
Sixty-three years together,
that’s a long span, and most
of those spent either in the same
house or a five-minute drive away.
Some years ago, in a hospital,
we thought she was dying.
Now, I live fearing
when the other slipper will drop.
Once, I met a person
who gets glimpses of the future.
She saw my radiant face
as an old, old woman.
I dread the loss to be endured
before it’s my time to go.
So many times, I’ve held my breath
as her phone rings and rings
because she is slow to pick up.
Impossible to imagine, the day
when she doesn’t answer my call.
The great paradox of life—
to open ourselves
to every dewdrop of beauty
and not close off to heartache
like soft-petaled hibiscus blooms
sealing themselves shut
in response to the dark of night.
***
Carolyn Chilton Casas is a Reiki master and teacher whose favorite themes to write about are nature, mindfulness, and ways to heal. Her articles and poems have appeared in Braided Way, Energy, Grateful Living, Reiki News Magazine, and in other publications. You can read more of Carolyn’s work on Facebook, on Instagram @mindfulpoet_, and in her collection of poems, Our Shared Breath, as well as a forthcoming collection, Under the Same Sky.
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