by Alaina Hammond
He was simple. Brilliant, but simple. His job was science. And science to him was simple. Simply a job. A job he did well. He showed up. He did the science. He went to sleep and slept well.
Repeat ad infinitum.
Her job was art, and teaching, and philosophy, and maintaining her sanity. She went to sleep and slept frightfully.
Repeat ad nauseam.
It’s not that she was less happy than he was. Not exactly. But happiness to her was fireworks, it was WORK, it was effort. You had to get up every morning, slay the dragon of depression, and violently copulate with the dragon of happiness. You had to grasp happiness, choose happiness, will yourself to embrace the beauty, reject the dullness, forgive the pain. You had to fight FOR happiness, and AGAINST misery. Always active. Fight. Fight. Fight.
If happiness were a person, I would suck his dick and eat her clit and let him fuck me in the ass, she thought.
Whereas. If happiness were a person, my husband would have a relaxed coffee with them.
He took pleasure in the little things with ease. She took pleasure in the little things with effort.
He took pleasure in the big things with ease. She took pleasure in the big things with effort.
Again: She wasn’t less happy. But oh god, the work she put into happiness, compared to him!
For her, happiness was a constant, sweaty choice.
For him, it was default.
And she thought, as their daughter lay between them in bed, sleepy and snuggled in warmth…
Please be like your dad. Not like me.
She turned, to down her anti-anxiety pill in wine.
Happily.
***
Alaina Hammond is a poet, playwright, fiction writer, and visual artist. Her poems, short stories, and paintings have been published both online and in print. Publications include Nomad’s Choir Poetry Journal, The Word’s Faire, Littoral Magazine, Spinozablue, Third Wednesday Magazine, [Alternate Route], Paddler Press, Verse-Virtual, Macrame Literary Journal, Route 7 Review, Sublunary Review, Quail Bell Magazine, Assignment Literary Magazine, Superpresent, and Jelly Squid. @alainaheidelberger on Instagram.
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