by Bella Aase
the photographer's lighted eyes
are so gentle, encouraging
even though our session runs late
a few more
i twist and pull my hair taut
a messy bun above wood-carved earrings
my arms rest gently across my chest
hands cup my blushed cheeks
i part my lips, contort my posture
think of how i want to be remembered
look into the camera's iris hex
click. click.
her voice swoons, different angles
click. click.
i think of my name, cream paper bulletins
she was emotional, votive, kind
tearful memories, testaments
click. click.
because if you zoom close into my eyes
one gloss black lens to another
i am dead or dying
there's nothing behind
except a slow clock, hands posed, waiting
***
Bella Aase (she/they) is a recovering perfectionist with Bipolar II disorder. She is a graduate student in the MFA creative writing program at Hamline University and has a Substack called Wax and Sonder. Their work has appeared in Serotonin and This Was 2020. Bella lives in Minneapolis, Minnesota with her husband, John, who is also a writer.
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