Caution: Under Construction

by Jill Euclide

Inspired by “The Understory” by Margaret Ramage

Image credit: Kyle Head on Unsplash

Draft 1: First Layers

Darkness does not scare me

My earliest memories are of the dark;

Waiting for monsters

To emerge from beneath the bed,

Avoiding grappling talons clawing for

Flailing legs— all to avoid

Certain death on the faded navy carpet of my bedroom

Where I was sure to bleed out.

Banished monsters retreated to

Edgy recesses of my brain.

At 14,

Darkness was

Isolation

Yearning to be part of a world

Whose rules were written in language

I could never

Decipher.

Draft 2: Work Table Notes

Costumed and made-up,

I could not comprehend the lines

To the play titled with

My name

Stage directions were absent;

Revealing soliloquies, missing.

I delivered lines from another

Famous tragedy--

A minor role--

(I am not designed for

A supporting role,

Waiting in darkened wings,

Unremarkable

but for

Spotlighting another.)

But I played it--

Artfully delivered one-liners

Walked out of the theatre

Into black alleyways an

Unknown.

Darkness does not scare me.

Draft 3: Sketching It Out

Finally, the realization:

I was encumbered

To author the script

To title it

To invent the stage directions

To unearth the words of exposing soliloquies

I launched my entire being

Into the art

Of self-invention.

Draft 4: Contrast Study

Eyes wide-open to the coming

Self-Immolation,

I was a Phoenix

Desperate to burn to ash

Again and again and again.

To birth herself to something new

To rise from the dust of seems

Closer to what is.

To hone each act,

Each scene.

Each word.

To file the blade of my tongue

So sharp it could speak

Perfection,

To cut through

The bullshit of the niceties

To speak truth

Despite the consequences.

To believe that what was beneath the surface

Of my skin

Was real—

Was something worth fighting for

To stop begging for the

Sprinkle of Tinkerbell’s pixie dust,

Magic meant

To save me from the cacophony  

Of my mind.

Final Draft:

I am                                             

Implies

I am enough

I wiggle into my skin,

Slide it on like soft, fitted jeans,

Molded to my shape.

I explore its unmapped regions,

Delve into its dark recesses,

Dive into its murky darkness.

My darkness.

My beautiful darkness

I Search out her every curve,

Bump, and crevice

To know—

Image credit: Larm Rmah on Unsplash

Each imperfection

Creates a perfect

Whole.

Each time

I burn myself to ash,

Each time…

I burn out what is not mine-

I rewrite myself more fully into the script

Titled

Only with

My name. 

Darkness does not scare me.

Oh no—

It only makes me yearn for the

Birth pangs to

Bring to being

More fully

My beautiful soul.

***

Jill Euclide

As a wife and mother of five, Jill Euclide juggles family life while nurturing aspiring writers as a high school English teacher. An avid runner and passionate gardener, Jill finds joy in nurturing plants, words, and souls. Recently, she has rekindled her love for writing, proudly showcasing her work in various publications. With each word, she hopes to sow seeds of inspiration and empathy for fellow sojourners on the journey.